PROMPT: Your new roommate is convinced the place is haunted, but that’s just silly. Ghosts aren’t real, right?

Still, you can't help but sweat as he brings in a team of ghost hunters. What if this place really is haunted? Could there be more to this world than our mortal plane?

"Yeah, the first thing that tipped me off was the toilet seat," Zak says. He's led the team into the bathroom. "I like to leave it up--for convenience, y'know? But then I come back later, and it's always down."

Here we go again. You and Zak have always diverged on housekeeping--and frankly, you're tired of cleaning up after him. Let him have his raised seat. See if you care. You hold your breath as one of the ghost hunters--a man in a Rick-and-Morty t-shirt and a leather top-hat--inspects the toilet seat.

"What other phenomena have you observed?" the ghost hunter asks. He scratches a patchy goatee. "When we talked on the phone, you made it sound like most of the occurrences were in the bathroom."

"That's correct. Like sometimes I'll come in here, and all my old q-tips will be in the trash. Now I know they didn't just fall in there on their own."

The ghost hunter nods solemnly. From his duster, he produces a machine you've never seen before: a beeping black box with a long metal probe, a needle trembling in a fluorescent gage. This, he explains, is a spectralphotometer.

You've always been an atheist, proud of your critical reasoning--and perhaps this is why such a machine impresses you. The ghost hunter explains his device, and soon you're holding your breath, entranced by so many mechanical details, this unflinching, quantifiable approach to the occult. Ghosts can't be real. Still, what if this machine says otherwise? Can you still call yourself a man of science? You clutch your chains. You fret at the hem of the bedsheet that's also the entirety of your body.

"So you see," the ghost hunter concludes, "if there's a ghost, this bad boy will let us know."

"Then what?"

"Then we bring in the sage."

Blegh.

You've always hated sage.

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